OK, I’ve been on a few dates with this guy, and he hasn’t called me in a few days. I really like him because he is smart, funny, open minded and very understanding. The problem with him is that he doesn’t call, and I realize that he is probably not that into me because if he was, he would be calling me more often.
I am up very early, and my baby is still asleep. I can’t go back to sleep so I just wait till she wakes up. Before I used to be able to sleep in. But now, I can’t stay asleep for anything.
The Holidays are here and it’s been very hard for me emotionally. I know that I chose to have Ayanna, and I chose to keep her. Yet I keep feeling lonely because I want to have a husband for me and a father for Ayanna. The one she has right now is very selfish and self centered and has abusive tendencies. I tend to look at other people around me and become envious of their lives with their husbands. But after a talk with a co-worker at my internship, she tells me that the grass is not always greener on the other side. The thought of that in my mind makes me feel a bit better and my heart feels lighter. I decided to do more walking than I already do. I walk to my internship and I decided I would try to walk around town with Ayanna in the stroller or go to the park and walk around the tracks. I’m still 135-140lbs. I keep fluctuating between 135-140. I just want to be 120. (Sigh) "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
